The Israel Defence Forces have deployed their latest enlarging space-laser to inflate my weight up as part of their campaign to silence me by bloating me up until I explode.

It isn't because of how many calories I eat, or how many I expend - Netenyahu is directing full-force inflationary laser beams at me to send roughly 8500 calories into my body per-day that no amount of work can realistically burn. That's why in the last year I have gained 35kg.

But they are messing with the wrong man. The IDF have, unknowingly, fed the most insane winter arc bulk ever seen. I'm doing upwards of 15 minutes of weight lifting per week, taking these calories intended for fat and turning them into pure muscle. I am to be a revolutionary force of reckoning the likes of which have never been seen. They will soon realise what they have made and know they cannot fight me, so must join me. When I have the might of Israel behind me and Netenyahu at my side, there is NOTHING we won't accomplish together.

But this alliance will not last, for I am a deviant being. I will betray the IDF by taking away their nuclear weapons. No more Samson Option for you. Payback for what Pinhas Lavon had planned is a bitch, isn't it.

I shall shed my fat. I shall be richer for it. The world will be correct once more.