One of my many powerful powers is the beautiful gift of Feng Shui mastery. I have applied my skills to produce several tips that I used to improve my own life and, hopefully, you my dear reader. Trust me, take my advice into your hands and allow the energy of our world flow through your house like beautiful, glistening honey flowing from a stomped-on beehive. I shall outline a few aspects of your life that can be adjusted to align yourself with my mind more as well as a few home décor tips that will bring you great prosperity and intelligence.
The act of editing one’s home is something that you have to be careful with in Feng Shui. A single misplaced vase or dirty crystal can be the difference between inviting wealth and happiness into your abode or inviting in thousands of rabies riddled bats - so be sure to throw caution to the wind and accept that your destiny is not only set, but already so far off the rails that no amount of steering will put this boat back on the A60.
First of all, an easy first step is to simply remove the hands of your analogue clocks and replace them with a couple of cardboard cut-out cocks, this attracts the sexual energy of the world into your home, making it a more fertile place in general. Guests and near-by pedestrians will not notice, but feel a rush of blood to their erogenous zones. Some women may even become instantly 3 months pregnant.
Got a home office? Throw out your current setup and insert the largest desk that can fit in there, wall to wall if possible, to provide your home with a proper sense of authority and power. Then, and only then, cover the desk with as many corporate desk toys as you can. It should be coated with swinging metal, clacking balls and flip address books that only contain the phone numbers of the non-local takeaways that don't deliver to your area. This is for your health.
Always position your bed facing True East.
May the spirits guide you from here, but I hope my starting tips will lay the groundwork for you to build a castle of wealth-attracting prowess.