Ladies and gentlemen, this will be my last post. When I am found next week with 6 grenade explosions to my chest, just know I was WHACKED for speaking the truth. Aliens are REAL and they sensually touched me between the ages of 17 and 21 and, during this period, I tortured one of them.

But don't get mad at me - it was for a music video. These aliens were not some sort of exploratory party, government or military, they were merely an alien band for zeenagers from their planet looking to record their second album. I heard their groovy tunes and human music will never quite do it right for me any more.

You have to understand that politically what they were doing on their home world was considered something akin to heresy, for they were a viciously and militarily religiously coded race that thought of other species as less-than. Fortunately for the human race, their species as a greater collection do not care too much to do anything about it, nor know where Earth is, but this break off group decided to make a very political statement by having me fireboarding an alien for a music video to make some kind of point about power dynamics.

I must admit, I thoroughly enjoyed those years and hope they will visit again. I've been invited to go to the orbital perma-nightclub location that sits in slow orbit on the dark side of their planet, where the partying never stops and the alcohol is pumped into the room in gaseous form, but I can't be dealing with that much social interaction.