I'm often asked by my family when I shall be producing the next generation of suffering in a lineage with a proud history going all the way back to single-celled organisms, and I always tell them the same thing: don't look directly in my eyes. They have never quite understood what it's like to be a disenfranchised 19-year-old recovering alcoholic in a world full of women who want to abuse me like I'm the village jam jar. There's a magnetism to the innocence I emit that makes these entities want to do bad things. Thank god I am so resolute in this world that wants to find my weaknesses.

But no, I have no plans for such luxuries to Kapparot my sins onto children and repeat the cycle. My plans are far greater.

I plan to, when the day comes, have a child with a woman but feign impotence, resulting in a visit to a fertility clinic. This is where I shall start my devious plan. I am going to have myself cloned by morally dubious scientists, using an exact replica of my DNA spawned into this plane, splitting my soul from the half of it I already have into a mere quarter. The new clone shall be placed into the woman, and she will be none the wiser that it isn't a blend, but a perfect replica.

The boy shall grow up with a multi-step plan to ensure he doesn't make the same mistakes I did. I always felt I'd be significantly better off if I had been eating more broccoli and lean meats, like smoked reindeer or simply good cuts of beef, if the money is tight. The real plan here is to prove that I am, in fact, the perfect human being of first flesh and blood spawned from the very conscious will of the universe, from which all others were copied, but that my circumstances lead to unfavourable ends. A clone raised by its own source, knowing every aspect of expectation and requirements to nurture itself into a self-cloning being eternal, will never suffer again, for each iteration will only improve as the nurturing world around it will adapt from the previous generations' mistakes.

It is too slow a process to rely on occurring naturally; it's just unfortunate that it's illegal and immoral, but the women will grow to love both me and the replicants of my own image.

Playing God is often used as a negative connotation, but I've never understood this. If God created all and created it with plan and purpose, then to play God yourself is to be God all along. It only takes a man with conviction to channel the highest powers in the universe to change everything to the visions in his mind. Those with hubris shall realise their ego into reality; those without shall never slither through the ascended plane.