One goal I've had for many years now has been to replace the traditional auto-vacuum device with a new style. No more featureless round pucks that slide around and whisk up fluff with little brushes. I want my floors cleaned as I've always done it: with suffering and agony. I want my vacuum not to be machine, but a biological creation engineered for the job. I bring you: Sticky Fingers.

Sticky Fingers is a novel new idea to beat existing floor cleaning devices. By being an engineered creature modified into a cyborg frame, it would be able to crawl around using its only available limbs, and be programmed with a desire to consume dust and debris.

My Sticky Fingers cleaner would be quiet, because it would not be allowed vocal chords.

It could work night or day, or both, for it would be engineered to survive on as little sleep as possible without malfunction.

For your consideration, I have released some early prototypes below of the chassis design with the integrated biological mass. However, I have left out crucial aspects of the finger limbs, mouth and the brain used at a later date, as these are protected design characteristics that I need to keep close hold of so the Chinese don't begin work sooner than me.

Sticky Fingers would have a much smaller brain than this in the final version, as sentience is not a gift but a curse I wish to give this wretched animal. I want it to have enough intelligence to understand lessons and basic human right-from-wrong, but not enough to pose any real danger to its masters. It's likely we'll have to use something from the avian family for size, efficiency and problem solving - but this may also pose problems for predictability.

We may be better off using, effectively, a limited and lobotomised human brain. Stripped of creativity and ambition, but capable of the thought and care to do its job correctly, it would likely not even desire freedom, so could be the best solution.

By opting for this solution, too, all we'd really need to do is modify the human genome into and then perform the surgical changes on it after a short incubation, whereas a lower-class animal may require much more biological engineering.

It is much easier to torture a human into the box you wish to fit it in, than to grow a goldfish into a legged creature capable of reason.

I asked the infernal machine to attempt to create my idea, but it doesn't quite have the sadness and knowledge of its shameful existence coming through in its eyes.

Only man can create the suffering required to achieve my ambition.