This world lacks the ambition to slap God in the face and fuck up all His plans. I intend to change that.

The oceans—often called the lungs of our planet—are salty. But just how salty? Turns out, it doesn’t take much salt to make a real mess of things: 3.5% to be precise.

But this flaw in the great Creator’s plan opens up a marvelous opportunity. Let’s genetically breed an algae that can not only survive but thrive in 3.5% salt water—a potent, still-water pond strain that creates a thick soup of goo everywhere it goes. I’m not talking about your run-of-the-mill oceanic algae. I’m talking about playing God himself and engineering a new breed of unmatched hunger, with the virility of an Algerian porn star on Venezuelan pills. Something thicker than a load from a man taking 40mg of Zinc—but without a pineapple diet to improve the taste.

Oh no, this will be something else.

The beauty of algae is how rapidly it doubles in size. Slow at first, but by the time anyone notices, it’ll be expanding a hundred miles in every direction, every day. Soon, by my hand, the oceans will thicken like Ahh! Bisto gravy in a reducing pan full of sausages and sautéed onions.


The slime shall devour.

The slime shall thrive.

The slime shall be unstoppable.