No matter what they say, there's a spark lost from a sober drive. One or two beers in, just as your skin starts to feel warm, the road starts to feel a little smoother too.

The authorities say the lines on the road blur, but I say they dance. A ballet of lines, cars and cyclists, best witnessed through the starry eyed glaze of a gin and tonic or two. There is magic to be had out there.

But who am I to think we can fight the establishment on this? No, their ways are cemented and it would be wasted effort to try. However, private land and establishments don't have to play by the laws of the sober-man. I propose we build a theme park, a Disneytown for the Scotch drinker, a rollercoaster park for the man who just wants to feel his BAC ride in that smooth zone that would get you arrested on the road, but glides you from point A to B without a worry.

With this idea, we could all get to experience the joys only afforded to those of us in rural towns or with deep pockets. You must be this imbibed to drive.